war.

they say, be brave to walk away.

i say, be brave to never look back.

there will always be things you never understand and can never give me.

today someone asked me,

if you had to choose, which one would it be?

the person you love, the person who loves you and the person who suits you?

admittedly, i was rather dumbfounded. i've never really thought of it. what if one day i really had to choose? what would i choose?

but delving deeper into the matter, i realized i've already made my choice.

the person you love
when we see this, we think of it being one sided, so let's just go with the idea of it. well, to choose someone you love is technically bliss. but when the person doesnt love you back, you are left with practically nothing. and basically this is a bad choice

the person who loves you
many would think this is an awesome choice. having someone to dote on you, love you and care for you. but think of it this way, you dont love the person, will you commit? will you promise?

the person who suits you
may not be the childhood sweetheart you played with at the playground after school, nor the person you first set your eyes on and set your heart on fire for. however, it is the person that accepts you for who you are, for what you are. he/she completes you in ways you never thought possible. when you're down, you know that the person will be there for you. when you're happy you want to share with joy with the person. he or she may not be the person you will love the extreme most in your entire life ( i save my best love for the chocolate), but he/she is the one you can see waking up next to, to trust to ensure you dont choke on overdose of strawberry cheesecake icecream and know, whenever you look into his/her eyes, you see the person looking right back with smiling eyes.

so i told my poor confused friend, i chose the person who suited me.

at points in time, i've being tempted to deviate, to find something different. but i realise, at the end its still the person who suits me.


continuing, my poor friend asked, so what about puppy love? i told him, once in your entire life is enough. once is enough to make you understand why it is something everyone wants.. yet it doesnt last. because it is very uhm annoying HAHA.

and it feels like home. =)

nonchalance. tell me why i cant feel anymore. everything's a blurry haze. it's always a beautiful dream and a horrendous nightmare.

but this time, i lack the capability to coherently think.

just want to lie on your shoulder, cry and cry away all the pain and frustration and once and for all, wash them all away.

it was simply put, a highly amusing encounter. i didnt need to be told that i cannot create the frustrating event. if the event was created by me, it does not qualify as a frustrating event. truly amusing but hey i dont put such stuff up without a brain.

and i know that removing me.. creates a non-performance for the contract. but that still does not tantamount to frustration as the act of "removing" myself is deliberate.

i didnt need the lesson. thank you. and definitely i did not need to be told...
THAT I CANNOT VOID MY OWN CONTRACT BY MY OWN FRUSTRATION!!!

=D the things guys do for a temporary ego boost.
well.. 5mins of "high" at my expense.. hmm i dont really care~

we're just moving further away.
doesnt really matter huh.

where are you, who are you.
and they say i dont say much. what is there to say?

shld have just gone, july 2006.