Today I chanced upon an old friend's blog. she has taken up ballet and is now in the United States dancing ?! zomg. how people really change. i see my old friends, chasing after what they want, doing things i can only think of. and what am i doing, stuck in an office job, dreaming of an escape.

sometimes i feel that i am holding myself back. but at the same time, its exactly chasing after ideals that land you no where... and then if you dont chase them, you are as good as giving up your dreams. life's a funny paradox. is there really no choice after all?

you might ask, how can i nullify 4 years just like this? you've forgotten how girls can delete everything from memory, from their hearts. when you really dont want to walk the same path anymore, when you have enough of being a brat, you just block everything out. you cage it up, put it aside, and pretend it never exists. i owe you a lifetime. but i dont want to be with you for a lifetime.

the heart is a funny thing. but for now, im numb.