just want to lie on your shoulder, cry and cry away all the pain and frustration and once and for all, wash them all away.

it was simply put, a highly amusing encounter. i didnt need to be told that i cannot create the frustrating event. if the event was created by me, it does not qualify as a frustrating event. truly amusing but hey i dont put such stuff up without a brain.

and i know that removing me.. creates a non-performance for the contract. but that still does not tantamount to frustration as the act of "removing" myself is deliberate.

i didnt need the lesson. thank you. and definitely i did not need to be told...
THAT I CANNOT VOID MY OWN CONTRACT BY MY OWN FRUSTRATION!!!

=D the things guys do for a temporary ego boost.
well.. 5mins of "high" at my expense.. hmm i dont really care~

we're just moving further away.
doesnt really matter huh.

where are you, who are you.
and they say i dont say much. what is there to say?

shld have just gone, july 2006.

so what if we drift apart. somehow it doesnt really affect me much.
and so you dont sms. oh i actually didnt realise.
so, i didnt see you this weekend. and then?
so what if we're staying cos we are too lazy to move?

there's nothing i can do to prevent everything from slipping away.
so, cheers!

*shrugs. life still goes on, kiddo.

i feel the same every morning when i open my eyes. sometimes i dont even remember you until my day ends. you've just quietly faded into the background.

i dont like normalcy. but you are the exact epitome of it.

i really hate it when time is a big defining factor and you freaking drag it. i know very well you will lose out when you drag too long. you might as fucking well tell me to do it. then i dont have to attempt to settle this and worry im gonna freaking fail my exam.

I AM REALLY TIRED AND PISSED OFF. go away. whatever i wanna do, it doesnt match YOUR lifestyle, YOUR culture, YOUR values.

so you gonna tell me its a waste of money and boring? you dont go la.

till tdy, i rmb the days when i wanted to spend some time with my family. just because i cldnt bloody hell entertain you, you had to go spend time with her just 'cause you are bored and i cldnt accompany you.

i really got enough ok.

just because i dont really care about MU or LP

i am the same yet i am so different from 5 years ago.

why am i just so different from everyone else? i can never fathom.
my life, well, just aint the same. so many things to hide. so many things to fear.
so many things left unspoken.

the stark silence hovers menacingly.
did you know what that means? neither do i.

craving for attention yet wanting to be alone.
its tough being a living paradox.

you arent ever sure of what you ever wanted to be.
life is just too random

as random as listening to 8 guys talking about soccer and just smiling like you know what they said and then someone discovering you're lost and you realise, hey, he's lost too.
that's like.. the most random thing. its so random you go back to smiling and pretending and hoping they'll gonna stop arguing over Man U n Liverpool so you can endure your pounding headache in deafening silence.

i'm so totally over mooncakes. dont wanna eat another one!!

and no. food poisoning is the WORST way to lose weight. and KFC SUCKS.

it has come to point where it doesnt matter whether you have a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, someone just to hug you when your world comes crashing down.

IT DOESNT MATTER.

why?

'cause there aint anyone there at all.

all you need is a good half an hr in the toilet, letting it all go and telling yourself, its ok, you're going to survive. since it's already rock bottom, it can only go up.

i wonder how many people can actually do that.


yesterday i learnt NEVER to believe that anyone will be there for me.
i learnt that so what if you are feeling lousy. it doesnt allow you to sulk and sulk for just the evening. eventually you must even brace yourself up even though you're crumbling inside.

today i realise im stronger than ever. because i dont need you to be there anymore. because your words just portray what you feel: " oh, you mean you didnt know? welcome to the truth"

the stronger i am, the more i cage myself away from you. no point believing anymore.