shit. happens. =/

i trying to be rational, decisive and not kick up a fuss lol

sure anot

sian. why is everyone smarter than me.

it doesnt work. both of us are not people who keep promises. i know i've said stuffs that made you upset, done things that broke your heart. and so have you. despite all the destructive stuff that we've done, you chose to walk back and give me and you a 2nd chance. but i walked away one month ago and am very insistent on never going back. dont you understand, it doesnt matter how much you can give me anymore. im not looking at what you can give me. even if you can catch the stars for me, it isnt what i want.

i just simply cannot, promise you anything. i cant give you anything, cant give you what you want. i dont trust myself to commit to any promises. i can no longer look into your eyes, cos all i see is the hatred, the burning depths of hell, the fury and the pain as you raised your hand. i know this is blatant emotional blackmail but i stand firm in never ever wanting to be with someone who can do this. as much as i was very very very angry with you. i stopped short of this. the bruises are nothing compared to the knife you plunged through the depths of my heart.

as for your accusation that i have not got over him. all i can say is, i've gotten over him the moment i found out he got together with one of my good friends and never told me. and that was very long ago. i cant even remember anything anymore. as a friend, he takes care of me, nothing more. if you dont believe, so be it. i cant do anything.

i will never be sorry until you're sorry. we're even. for every hurt i've caused you, i guess you gave tit for tat that very night. the score stands at 0-0 now. you dont owe me anything, i dont owe you anything. btw, you should never had told me you got over her and dont feel anything anymore. if you had told me right from the start, you havent got over, you need time but it's me you want and hope i'll be there, maybe it wouldnt come to this. now, even as i lean on your shoulders, i can never find the same feeling back again.

it's not about wanting to be with someone you can live with. it's being with someone you cannot live without.

i'll be a good kid. i just never said i'll be yours.

i dont care! i dont need i dont want! i hate you all!

thanks for screwing up my life!

i wanna to be left alone please!

when i heard it from her yesterday, i wanted to cry in the middle of orchard road. so many years on and it hasnt changed from day 1. i know a lot of things were my fault, but surely i am not punished in this way? possibly the cruelest way known to all girls. there isnt anything that can erase the pain of loving someone, and watching the person, love someone else. even if you hate me, this isnt the way to get back at me. it's despicable, hated and totally underhand.

and before i slept, everything came flooding back like a horrendous nightmare. i couldn't sleep. i just couldnt. i tossed and turned. turned and tossed. your indecisiveness has left you with nothing at the end of the day. each episode put on replay like a spoilt tape.

i still dont know what i want, but it surely, definitely, isnt you. this is something that will never, ever change. if you could only see where i went wrong, then maybe it's good im no longer there to bring trouble and hassle to you. it's comical to think that you cried because of an ego problem, a face issue as opposed to telling me that you love me and hope i loved you 100%. i hate having to stick by your values, your beliefs and always be under you and agree with you.

the prophecy has come true. 2 years and 4 months earlier. i foretold my own prophecy. i still have my own entry on it. not letting me know isnt the solution. it causes more problems. i trusted you because you're my best friend. and now i dont give a bloody freaking damn if i dont have a best friend anymore. that's how much i am angry with everything. you're just all talk and no action. your promises about "next time" are always empty. even your friends know it. if you think you've above me and you're too good for me, that's fine by me. i concede defeat. im a lousy gf, a lousy everything. i screw up every single thing. i make you throw face. i always overstep the line. i never take you into consideration.
I VOW NEVER TO DO THIS AGAIN.
and then you tell me i always say sorry, that i wont do it again but i always do. but you something? this time round, you'll never ever know. from day 1 you overstepped MY boundary and YOU can tell me i should accept it.


i am so upset i will buy a set of underwear that says monday-sunday and wear saturday and sunday repeatedly. and i will buy a pair of black and lime green nike dunks.


i suppose i was upset enough until i messaged my friend at 1amplus and my friend can sense it and replied cutely, "yawn. you scare me. wad happen?"

sherrrrrrrrr.... where are you????? let's go shopping quick!

Day by day

by As one

I never knew I could fall in love again
Cause my heat was weak and worn
But you promised me, that you would love me and that we’d be one forever
Just be careful with my heart and I’ll love you always

You were coming to me so carefully
The day I got to know you first
I stayed up for many nights sighing, rather than being happy
It might take a very long time, for me to accept someone new
Could you acknowledge my inadequacy?
After my precious love left me,
I believed that I couldn't love anymore
But for you, who are willing to even embrace my scars, everyday

I will show you little by little,
Everyday, I will befriend you more.
Right now, I am not good enough to love you
The day I can give you all of my heart,
Could you wait for it?

I fear if I would forget you again.
I can't easily go to you
And because of him who left me, I still shed many tears
I even cried a lot in front of you
But for you, who wiped my tears away, everyday

But just remember this.
During the days I was in so much pain,
The love that opened up my heart was you.
As big as your love, no, bigger than that,
I will be good to you.
Just like how you are now, comfortably, wait for me.
The day the love I cherished transfers onto you,
I will be preparing to tell you that I love you,
Could you wait for it?

someone sent me this song. left it sitting in my downloaded file till today, i opened it and listened and yahoo-ed the translation. dont read too much into it. i find it sad yet optimistic. i dont know what to make of everything =((

i sincerely hope i will not let you down. i hope whatever i've said will not eventually turn into lies. i dont want to see you cry.