when i heard it from her yesterday, i wanted to cry in the middle of orchard road. so many years on and it hasnt changed from day 1. i know a lot of things were my fault, but surely i am not punished in this way? possibly the cruelest way known to all girls. there isnt anything that can erase the pain of loving someone, and watching the person, love someone else. even if you hate me, this isnt the way to get back at me. it's despicable, hated and totally underhand.

and before i slept, everything came flooding back like a horrendous nightmare. i couldn't sleep. i just couldnt. i tossed and turned. turned and tossed. your indecisiveness has left you with nothing at the end of the day. each episode put on replay like a spoilt tape.

i still dont know what i want, but it surely, definitely, isnt you. this is something that will never, ever change. if you could only see where i went wrong, then maybe it's good im no longer there to bring trouble and hassle to you. it's comical to think that you cried because of an ego problem, a face issue as opposed to telling me that you love me and hope i loved you 100%. i hate having to stick by your values, your beliefs and always be under you and agree with you.

the prophecy has come true. 2 years and 4 months earlier. i foretold my own prophecy. i still have my own entry on it. not letting me know isnt the solution. it causes more problems. i trusted you because you're my best friend. and now i dont give a bloody freaking damn if i dont have a best friend anymore. that's how much i am angry with everything. you're just all talk and no action. your promises about "next time" are always empty. even your friends know it. if you think you've above me and you're too good for me, that's fine by me. i concede defeat. im a lousy gf, a lousy everything. i screw up every single thing. i make you throw face. i always overstep the line. i never take you into consideration.
I VOW NEVER TO DO THIS AGAIN.
and then you tell me i always say sorry, that i wont do it again but i always do. but you something? this time round, you'll never ever know. from day 1 you overstepped MY boundary and YOU can tell me i should accept it.


i am so upset i will buy a set of underwear that says monday-sunday and wear saturday and sunday repeatedly. and i will buy a pair of black and lime green nike dunks.


i suppose i was upset enough until i messaged my friend at 1amplus and my friend can sense it and replied cutely, "yawn. you scare me. wad happen?"

sherrrrrrrrr.... where are you????? let's go shopping quick!

Day by day

by As one

I never knew I could fall in love again
Cause my heat was weak and worn
But you promised me, that you would love me and that we’d be one forever
Just be careful with my heart and I’ll love you always

You were coming to me so carefully
The day I got to know you first
I stayed up for many nights sighing, rather than being happy
It might take a very long time, for me to accept someone new
Could you acknowledge my inadequacy?
After my precious love left me,
I believed that I couldn't love anymore
But for you, who are willing to even embrace my scars, everyday

I will show you little by little,
Everyday, I will befriend you more.
Right now, I am not good enough to love you
The day I can give you all of my heart,
Could you wait for it?

I fear if I would forget you again.
I can't easily go to you
And because of him who left me, I still shed many tears
I even cried a lot in front of you
But for you, who wiped my tears away, everyday

But just remember this.
During the days I was in so much pain,
The love that opened up my heart was you.
As big as your love, no, bigger than that,
I will be good to you.
Just like how you are now, comfortably, wait for me.
The day the love I cherished transfers onto you,
I will be preparing to tell you that I love you,
Could you wait for it?

someone sent me this song. left it sitting in my downloaded file till today, i opened it and listened and yahoo-ed the translation. dont read too much into it. i find it sad yet optimistic. i dont know what to make of everything =((

i sincerely hope i will not let you down. i hope whatever i've said will not eventually turn into lies. i dont want to see you cry.

i see we're both going through the same phrase. except yours is faster. we acknowledge the quickness of the winds of change. 1 month is enough to turn everything upside down and leaves us running swiftly away from everything. i see the things he said to you and i think, i've heard it too. yes. we're both in the same boat. although you may not know it, just having someone to jabber with takes away a lot of the pain.
thank you my friend

as i've mentioned, 1 month is a lot of time. enough time to let me see that we're better off as separate entities. no, i currently have no one going after me nor am i interested in anyone. my family is in kinda a mess. hurhur but it still functions after so many years. as much as my family isnt the way you think a family should be, it's still my family. and no, i aint going to be the girl that leaves my family behind although they piss me off every other hour.

i stand by my decision. yes. you can say i need a new brain/re-wiring etc. but it isnt going to change the fact i've moved on. all i can say is that i still care for you as a friend and will still be there as a friend to you. but beyond that, i am unable to commit nor entertain. if you still want me, there are 2 ways: 1) re-chase from the start 2)tell me outright you want us to continue and give me 3months to meditate

no guarantees though.


or you can go on hating me.



we're poor but we're even more in love.
you can never erase my roots.

it dawned upon me, the lingering alluring smell. i finally realised what it is. i know what to do next when my l'eau par kenzo runs out =)).

i hate it when people are self centred! maybe i take after my mum too much. i dislike it when people tell me "it's their own problem" when sometimes i just wanna help a little. it's not like i go all way out to help them but sometimes when i get approached to help and there's nothing pending at the moment, i wouldnt mind.

i dont like it when people have no intention of continuing with something yet want me to put in time and effort to help them. if you think my help's useless, then dont ask me anymore.

i dont like being committed. i dont like it when people try to tie me to their life, their committments, their beliefs. i want to be an epitome of a free spirit. if they cant learn that i cant be tied down, i cant help them. the more you want to try to tie me down, the more i resist. i dont know how to phrase this adequately, but if you cant comprehend, it's fine.

it's not that i wont repay you for what you have done for me. i dont repay u in the way u want me to, doesnt mean i wont do so. i am aware of my debt towards you. very well aware indeed.

before you scream murder on me crossing the line and etc, THINK of your own actions. what has happened thus far took 2 hands to clap. stop piling the blame solely on me.

i know what has gone wrong. i just hope i wont repeat the same mistake to you or anyone else. im very aggressive in nature. and i regret to inform you that business school has cultivated that further.


and i fall again

i simply love the new shower scrub i bought! not only cos it does it job well, but because of its smell!
there's something comforting about that smell. it's not even a feminine fruity/flowery kinda smell.. it's more of musky yet with a tinge of citrus. i dont know if it's because it smells like someone or because.. i just like it. i highly doubt it smells like anyone i know cos it doesnt conjure up images of anything but.... it smells like what a good guy should smell like! this is weird i know but it smells like a guy that i could depend on =/
if something/someone smells like that... it'll be perfect.

or maybe it does smell like someone?