just cos im dead bored.




Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating




Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating



Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

everytime i stare at this blank slate, my mind just turns into a puddle of nothingness.


very happy for my 21st birthday. *hugs to von, gl, wl, xt for celebrating with me on friday=) the ice cream cake was totally sinful! haha.

haha the adidas watch isnt 100% like this. the watch face sides are metal. this is the big version. mine's the smaller one cos my hand's small! i love my sis. even though i think she smells. hahahahaha. just kidding.

SZ series. magnesium alloy cover. interesting texture. 2GB ram. 160GB HD. T8100 2.1GHZ windows vista business. wireless AGN. inbuilt webcam. nvidia graphic card. 13.3 inch and weighs a nifty 1.9kg=)

rose gold and white gold. so delicate i dont dare to wear it! =)=)

lotsa love to my family! haha. my mum got me a bracelet, my sis got me an adidas watch, my dad got me a VAIO. how cool is that. yeah!

it's that little warm fuzzy feeling inside:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i didnt win 4D! so annoying haha. my birthdate opened on sunday. what the hell what the hell. *curse swear. my luck was that my birthdate actually opened.. but i didnt seize opportunity of it. WHY DIDNT I THINK OF IT. this always happen to me. life gives me oranges but i have no idea how to make orange juice.

haha. funny. bored. goodfreind's (there is no spelling error) off to indo.. just came back from m'sia snorkelling. i wanna see pics. you forgot my birthday you dumbass. haha. good to have someone to take your mind off things. come back faster before you go NS!

you only want it when it's over. so what's the point? power? strength? dominance? to prove that as long as you have the ability to do such a thing? just because you feel like it?


hidden beneath all that vengence. where are you? as time pass on, you grow darker, more sinister. where are you? where have you gone?


even if i get a million bucks, i still will not be happy. all i want is to see you happy. just for 24 hours. even if it's fabricated. the truth hurts.


there's no such thing as love. it's only power and serving the strong.

my head hurts. i really dont want to be doing projects the next few days. super annoying. it'll just be a freaking waste of time and everything. i've had enough of doing projects with all these people.

hug me?

it's about finding someone you cant live without, not someone you can live with.
you can live with me, but you can also live without me. i've been a fool for more than two years. a big big silly fool. i thought that you will learn to get over her and keep me within your heart. in the end, you still cant get her out of your life, out of your mind and all i am is just a speck in the corner. maybe i do look like a replacement tire. hMm. you only look for me when you feel like it. the world is cruel indeed. the biz sch advocates coldness of the heart. maybe it's time i learnt that.
when i promised you i wont go anymore, i mean it. i guess i owe you too much. and this is retribution. no matter how hard i tried to avoid this previously, it always occurred. you cant run away from your destiny. maybe mine's to be your plaything, your servant and worthless in your eyes.

love really is blind. blind to all faults.

how to seriously, honestly, delicately contemplate a chocolate.

use two fingers to pinch the sides gently. lift it out of its container. scrutinize it up, down , left right. make sure it's perfect. slowly place it on your tongue. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. swirl it around in your mouth. chew it, ponder it, contemplate its smooth texture as well as the curt taste of cocoa. let it linger before continuing its journey down into your stomach.
feel the euphoria charging up your soul.

ok. i'm seriously just bored.


chocolate makes you happy!

sigh. i dislike the part about having to spend my birthday the way my family wants it. i told them i'll want to eat with them. but i never said ON MY birthday ITSELF. but family comes first, and you taught me so.

to a friend whom i havent seen for years.

actually i understand where you're coming from. i feel the same way. if there was an option, i would probably do the same thing you did. except i dont have the courage, determination you have. i fear. and fear i did. it's hard to accept that people change over time. it's harder to accept that you simply just don't love the person anymore. it's not that you don't care. it's that feeling isnt there anymore.

and you wonder after all that everyone's gone through. all the hard times, the tears and sweat, you thought everything will mend itself sooner or later. but no, the cracks just get bigger and bigger.

just to let you i understand, even though he doesnt.

~


i tried to mend it. i tried to bite back my feeling and tears to accomodate you. you never actually tried. you blamed it all upon me. somehow if it failed, it's my fault, not yours.

when i look into your eyes, sometimes i see hurt, sometimes i see annoyance, sometimes i see a faint glimmer of love. mostly i see resignation.

i know im wrong to keep threatening to leave. but i've never actually had to courage to. you never really tried to solve the problem. you merely avoided it. i know im unreliable. but have you actually appreciated all the times i saved your arse?

looking back, there was a lot of things we did to make sure we did not just pack up and leave. on your side and on mine. until you figured i wouldnt leave and you stopped being nice. and when you realised i have the full capability to just pack up and go, you turned nastier.

being kind doesnt mean anything anymore. when i'm try to be nice and put you before myself, i get scolded. even though i get myself into a mess sometimes, i made the effort to save you instead of myself.

maybe in your eyes im just the kid running your errands and doing your legwork, im always stupid and troublesome.

i dont deny that all the times we've spent the past few years have always been on my mind. it will always be part of me and you. afterall, you're the one that taught me how to love, how to give without receiving. and you're the one who showed me hurt as well.

i'm contented with what you've given me so far. but i'll be happier if you could be happy as well.


im here to stay. but if we want to mend what's wrong, i need your help as well. dont give up. dont get angry. i'm still here by your side, unless you want to quit.



the little world of mine

i hope everything's gonna be okay.


kinda hooked on this website: www.maggiemarket.com.
darn gl for intro-ing me.
basically it has really time-killing games. brainless. mindless but entertaining nonetheless. requires many fast clicks on the mouse and many squeals.

try it. it makes you happy.

love knows not its depth till the hour of separation

even if you're in the wrong, he should be there holding your hand, hugging you, asking you what's wrong and wanting to work it through.

instead it's me who does that.

i'm leaving to find myself. to find the person i lost at the door of business school. to shed the person whose values are moulded by the corporate world. to lose the person i became through sheer necessity and the person i grew into just to accomodate everyone.

it's my life. i should be the person i want to be. there is no more final call to you. if you dont want to tell me what's wrong and refusing to make it work out, there is no point anymore. it takes two hands to clap. even if i want to make a wrong into a right, i cant succeed if you dont try too.

if you think im not good enough, i produce lousy work.. i ask you, have you ever tried to tell me what's wrong? have you ever tried to help me with my work? have you ever reassured me?

if it's really as what you claim, everything wrong is my fault. then it's best that i go. it's not that i have a lot of time to fight with you nowadays. you're picking my little faults here and there and everywhere every half an hour. im not perfect but you dont have to magnify it.

and, if you think i really dont mind you calling me dumb. think again.

if you see this and still think you have done nothing wrong, then dont ever look for me again unless it's with regards to fyp.

next time, i'll do everything myself
your words cut through the silence, cut through my heart.

i never expected the student lounge to be so crowded. too close for comfort i must say. people sleeping, doing project, doing fyp. and what im doing? simply wasting time away. my head hurts probably due to
1) lack of sleep
2) bad posture .. cos it's all sofas and no tables
3) hunger
cant exactly leave my poor laptop alone while i go get food can i? hate it when im all alone and have no one to lunch/dinner with me. i never end up eating anything. why? i hate eating alone. i'll rather eat on the go, eg running with a container of mee siam. done that, tried that, had fun =)



sometimes i feel like a lonely sheep. i dont know where im going.i dont know where the path takes me. my frustrations echo in the silence. my back turned upon the light. they dont understand that it's lonely having to smile while your heart's broken. they dont understand how hard it is. they dont understand that time alone, is energy consuming. im not a natural self-entertainer. sometimes im just a nomad. shuttling between the parcels of time and space. shuttling between my two selfs.
i cant split myself into two. but somehow this world requires me to be
-harsh, bitter, calculative
and yet
-soft, kind, amiable, understanding and brutally accomodating.

the conflicts will never end. the side that dominates will determine my future. while you walked further down the path, i stayed at the forked route, wondering which way to procede.

chanced upon this photo. kinda like it. too tired. if your other half's younger than you, expect to baby him.

transient reminiscences 2008 is over. that's pretty fast. time to clear all the backlogged homework. time to give people a piece of my mind.

still really tired. unable to keep my mind open throughout the day.
although my head is filled with the following thoughts:

1) accounts closing
2) accounts closing
3) markstrat
4) aa102
5) blasted goodyear blasted macs
6) IMC audit
7) PA. omgwth.

SLEEP. i ponned 213 halfway to sleep. scooted back with pig and both of us slept till 230. den rushed for lesson.. and more project meetings.

need a break to get back in sync with school work. my eyes cannot open le...
will update with pics soon=)


ugh. somehow i look a lot like my sis in photos.



need it....

hallucinating. seeing cockroaches everywhere. maybe not. apparently someone's house DOES have a nest of cockroaches deep within the cupboards filled with can food and plenty instant noodles. the cockroach's fast, FAST and gleams a dark disgusting brown.

still pondering about the ipod touch. *wonders and ponders.

stoning at s3.1 now. bored stiff. cant really sleep cos my back hurts if i try to sleep in a sitting position. i look like crap. hair sticking out at all odd angles and turning panda-ish. zzzz

nearly vomitting blood these few days. coughing up blood sometimes. i mean literally blood. can taste it in my throat. ew. gross. maybe i overworked my lungs or something. aiya. one of these days i'm gonna die of something nasty. maybe i'll prefer to die of chcolate overload. sounds good doesnt it?

sleep deprivation isnt good for the soul. makes me crazy. not like im very sane to begin with.




if im fatter i'm gonna look like a panda.

i like this photo alot. the scenery is nice. the faded redness of the leaves with the vibrant green.

discovered a new obsession. budweiser. love its taste. please stop me from guzzling.

still pondering if i should get an itouch. not actually wondering if it's worth it but more of the opportunity cost.

buy an iTouch = less money for shopping. less money for whatever nonsense like my occasional eeyore craze. less money to eat. less money to shop overseas. someone rob a bank for me quick quick!

streaks of red, residue of pain; all borne of hurt.

down this spiralling road to nowhere.

i tell you, leave before i cause you more grief.

i say, leave before i cause you more pain.

i sigh, leave before i destroy the both of us.

i concede, go before it's too late.

you never needed to bear the burden of my pain, my future and my temper.

run. as fast the wind can bring you.